The V-Day x Full Moon Combo Gave Me 20/20 Vision

"I have never ever been happier", I say as I scream-cry with rage & a dash of joy.

I’ve been sitting in bed for an hour watching videos about people’s experiences crossing the Drake Passage, visualizing myself in Antarctica, and reflecting on the gnarliest week I’ve had in months.

The week’s first major astrological event came less than 48 hours after Kendrick Lamar’s masterpiece of a Superbowl Halftime performance. The energy he created from the epic production must have made its way to the cosmos causing a [more] feral week ahead.

Monday.

On Monday, I had several, private episodes where I evaluated the people in my life.

For hours, I analyzed my relationships and decided if it was best to foster the connection or make an exit plan. The tricky thing about relationship cleanup is that no matter how tasteful the delivery is, the chance of awakening a villain is a gamble. And though I do this quarterly, something about this ritual felt… different.

Tuesday.

According to Lisa Stardust, the full moon we experienced on Tuesday, February 11th, brought fierce energy. It encouraged us to speak up, be bold, and even throw some bows if that’s what the day called for.

For me, it was Monday part 2, except this time I’d call the ‘episodes’ private crashouts.

I was angsty and in my head because I was riding the 120-foot emotional wave residing in the Piscean Stellium Ocean.

I was struggling to respond to simple texts because my throat chakra was so severely open. I had smoke for anyone who came for me sideways. One guy asked how my day was going but I couldn’t stop thinking about a comment he made a week prior that was [possibly] a little too sassy for me to have let slide.

Eventually, I had to start separating myself from my phone.

Nonetheless, my armor for the rest of the week ahead was secured.

Wednesday.

Wednesday was a breath of fresh air.

I started writing a raw, top-tier piece that just so happened to develop a tone centered around my two favorite adjectives, vulnerable and bitchy. Unfortunately, that will not be out until further emotional regulation happens. It gave me the opportunity to evade all responsibility for my feelings and play the victim—for a short period—until I read those words back.

The Taylor Swift lyrics “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me” played in my mind on a constant loop for at least two hours after that.

Thursday.

Thursday rolled around and the dust finally started to settle.

“Thank God,” I thought to myself multiple times that day.

Friday.

February 14th.

Valentine’s Day—aka the day I got Lasik and didn’t even know it.

I started the day with a sauna + ice bath self-love class at Othership. I can’t explain much about the class because there is literally nothing I can compare it to, but anytime I visit a wellness facility, I don’t walk for the rest of the day, I float.

And starting my day like this was the best thing I could’ve done in any reality.

Later, two men that I’ve been dating for weeks solidified their positions in my life, and are no longer in the running to be Mr. Carradine. While two different men tried to revive something I left in the last year.

I don’t know who thought they approved a transferral, but it wasn’t me.

The afternoon included my weekly spin class, except this one was Valentine’s Day-themed. Followed by dining at my favorite restaurant, a gardening session, and excellent company.

Something about weaving in things that I love helped to inform me on how to move forward with the people that I love [or may love in the future].

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A theme for the past few months was knowing what I need from my relationships. But it was only now that my vision and needs became clear.

To make any relationship work, platonic, familial, or romantic, consistency, communication, consideration, honesty, loyalty, and a mutual understanding need to be had.

For years, I’ve driven myself sick trying to feed off of expired relationships.

I think I heard “good people are hard to find” too many times throughout my life.

Perhaps, I don’t believe that anymore.

People who are good for you are abundant when you know yourself. People who are good for you enhance your life, like vitamins and green juice. You never have to question if the people who are good for you are actually good for you because you can bring whatever issue to the table and they will work with you to resolve it until you are back on the same team.

I’ve never been more grateful for a series of adult meltdowns.

And while I didn’t respond to the V-day spinning-the-block texts, I am grateful that my ego got a pretty nice stroke, too.