The nonexistent line between obsession & being an artist

The results are spookier than you think.

In the Zendaya & Nicole Kidman Actors on Actors conversation, I felt seen when Nicole said:

As long as we go in [sort of] obsessed, then somethings going to come out of it…because I love being obsessed.

I’m a pretty intense person.

I’m cutthroat about who and what I give my time to. I daydream about how to approach conflict so deeply that I start creating a scenario for the other person’s reaction. Sometimes, I even develop emotions surrounding the scene I’ve made up.

I didn’t understand why I lived in this extreme manner for most of my life. Maybe it's because being an army brat made me feel semi-nomadic. Or maybe because my sister left for college when I was in the 5th grade, making me a hybrid-only child, and I was forced to use my imagination.

Whatever the reason, the unwavering urge to fully commit to things that interest me has always been key to how I navigate life.

Funnily enough, the activities that have seen the most intense, dedicated sides of me have all been physical ones. Right now, spin class & yoga see me six to seven days per week, and some days twice. On the days I’m most exhausted, I still find the energy to push through the fatigue. I love these activities, but the way I feel about having a substantial amount of drive is nothing short of obsession.

It wasn’t until I started meeting other artists that I realized I wasn’t the only one whose brain worked that way—and I’ll never forget that first interaction.

I don’t remember much about him, but I remember that man was a Leo to the T. When I asked his name he gave me his stage name, which ended with “The XIII”. Immediately, I was disgusted, but he did, in fact, put that shit on that day, so I stayed tuned.

He proceeded to tell me where this name came from, why thirteen is his favorite number, how thirteen is his angel number, and so much more [that I did not ask for]. The conversation finally ended when I walked away in the middle of it. He didn’t take it to heart. He found a new victim.

I’ve since met multiple artists just like this.

To mention, 100% of Leo men I’ve met are just like this.

They’re their own biggest fan, as one should be, but they take it to a new level. I haven’t figured out if it’s because they believe they’re the best thing since sliced bread, are great at emulating things that already work, or are master manifestors and we’re all going to be seeing reality from their perspective soon. Whatever the reason, they are obsessed with notoriety and thrive off of the spotlight.

**A nepo baby could live in this category.**

The next type of creator is the one who will starve for it—and the ones who come to mind definitiely look the part.

They can’t be bothered with anything that’ll steal their time and energy from what they believe they were put on this earth to do, which might look like living in a dingy apartment with no natural light and a mattress on the floor. Or eating one to two meals per day because they can’t afford to eat more. However, the hunger they feel is only a byproduct of the dedication they have to their work. These are the people who are willing to die behind their dreams.

To a certain extent, this trait is crucial for any creative who wants to support themselves solely through their work. But this creator usually lives on a slippery slope. If they don’t have access to resources and can’t balance on the ice, they could easily become the next type of artist.

The escape artist, who typically resides on the slipperiest slope of them all.