The Masterpiece That Is Eternal Sunshine and Consciously Not Dating

Eternal Sunshine has changed me.

On December 31st at 11:07 p.m., in a mind-bending, hallucinogenic state, I made the conscious decision to give up a few things for a short period. One being dating for seven months. Since that moment, I’ve felt passionate about achieving this goal.

Recently, I passed the halfway mark, and the level of change I noticed is genuinely shocking.

But the combination of being in a completely different headspace and streaming Eternal Sunshine endlessly is even more astounding.

I was dating the same kind of person.

In hindsight, the type of people I would attract or feel the most excited about giving my attention to had a lot of similarities—honestly, too many. I would confuse their emotional unavailability with stoicism or become enmeshed too quickly. While I’ve done tons of work to sustain a secure attachment style, the people I gravitated toward unlocked my innate, anxiously attached state.

Not only does that feeling suck a**, but it took up too much of my energy.

Even more than that, none of those situations inspired me—it was actually time to take a step back once I realized that.

Birthing the “I’m so deep in my bag, I became the bag” era.

January 1st was the start of a new era for me, a very ambitious one, and it’s hard for me to prioritize anyone in this climate.

Friends would call wanting to talk about their bad day, and the only support I could provide was for 13 minutes before it was back to work. Saying that aloud makes me feel bad, but I had an addiction to the gains (which is still very much a dependency).

However, intro (end of the world), bye, and don’t wanna break up again changed my genetic make-up!

“And if it all ended tomorrow, would I be on your mind?” - intro (end of the world)

A line that stuck with me from the moment I heard it. When I decided to momentarily free myself from dating, I had hoped to pour more of myself into my friendships. Spoiler alert—I’ve been pouring it back into my career growth, which feels good, and I’m beginning to see growth. But when I finally get to where I’m going, I know I will want to have people on my team.

I realized pouring into myself is no different than the people who pour all of themselves into their relationships and disregard their friendships. When that relationship ends, that person is typically left with no one in their corner. It’s a common occurrence, sad, and no different from what I was doing.

So, like Ari said in track 2, bye-bye—to that lifestyle.

True story: I’m starting to see a lot of patterns.

By the time I made it to the halfway mark of this album, I realized Ariana was speaking to me.

Creating written and visual content is a vulnerable space to put yourself in. Millions of people share their thoughts and opinions with the ether. Being judged is likely at the forefront of their minds.

True story is about accepting that you’re the villain in someone’s story so you can focus your energy on pouring into yourself. To be clear, I don’t believe I have real haters, but I do have a brain that occasionally tricks me into thinking I’m being judged. In a way, this song allowed me to let go of that made-up energy.

Yes, and I’m going to keep pressing on.

Firstly, the boy is mine is one of my favorites on the album, closely followed by imperfect for you. While I don’t have a romantic association to go along now, it will do wonders for me after my dating freeze has melted.

The world worked itself into a frenzy after Yes, and was released. Ariana has obviously been wrapped up in some boy drama, and some of the lyrics (i.e. why do you care so much whose - I ride) were not helping her case, but this is a bop. Life could raw dog you for a week straight, but are you going to get right or left?

As she said: Keep movin’ like “what’s next?”

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Ariana made a very versatile album that told a story. Whether you like the melody, lyrics, or music video, she created a project that could virtually connect to anyone. Unfortunately, families were broken up, and people were dragged like rag dolls, but we’ll never know the real story.

So, the best thing to do is take what resonates and leave what doesn’t.