The Gray Zone

A woman unpacks her new, exciting relationship that could be a product of a broken girl code.

He has glass doors that open to the balcony attached to his primary bedroom—which faces the ocean. I’m standing in the doorway with the cup of Chagaccino coffee he made me before he climbed back into bed.

But I’m not facing the ocean.

I’m facing him.

His defined silhouette under the silk sheets reminds me of a Greek God. He’s tall, completely toned, has smooth, dark skin, and even freshly pedicured feet peeking from under the sheets.

The very sight of him activates all of my senses and memories. The flashbacks of last night, yesterday, and three days ago are so vivid that I can feel—

“Come here,” he says, reaching towards me.

The shockwaves from his deep voice flow through my body. I crawl into his ultrasoft California king bed, and we cuddle.

“Who put you on to cordycep coffee?” I ask.

“You—actually. I remember you ordered it when we went to that coffee shop on the corner last week,” he says.

His poker face is sturdy. He was responding to an email on his phone when I ordered the drink. I had no clue he was paying attention.

I remember that morning so vividly. He ordered a classic Americano. He was wearing dark blue slacks with a light blue button-down shirt. And I was wearing a black midi corset dress with the Aroma black nylon/suede Tony Bianco heels he bought me.

“I didn’t realize you heard me,” I say.

I know he has more feelings for me than he lets on because his default state is being in work mode. He’s got this cold demeanor, resting bitch face, and tough-love energy about him, yet he always makes time for me. If I ever want to see him, he’ll be there by the end of the day. He’s never missed my phone calls and always texts me back within five minutes.

And now listens to me when he’s pretending not to.

“I’m always listening to you. I’m intrigued by you,” he says as he kisses my forehead.

Something about him feels godlike, otherworldly, even extraterrestrial. Somehow, all the world’s problems disappear when I’m in his arms, even though many of the ones in my world are because I’m in his arms.

I moved to Monterey, California, ten months ago from Los Angeles. I came to find inspiration for the new line I’m working on for my clothing company.

Since I just turned 28, I want to tap into a modern housewife beach babe type of energy, and what better place to do that than a cute, small town on the beach filled with stay-at-home moms?

Within two weeks, I met a woman named Nadine. She’s married to a real estate broker and has a seven-year-old daughter.

Nadine introduced me to Justice, Carmella, and Zazie.

Justice is engaged to a software developer, Carmella has twin boys and is married to an app developer, and Zazie has a long-term boyfriend that she swears is about to propose for the last nine months.

I’m the closest to Nadine and Carmella. They seem to be in happy marriages, have hobbies, are momfluencers, and have loyal nannies. They’re exactly where I want to be in the next 5-8 years.

Zazie’s always traveling the world with her boyfriend but makes sure to be at the group’s monthly Sunday brunch.

Justice is the most similar to me, but I’m closer to everyone else. She loves fashion—she’s even modeled for a couple of campaigns I’ve shot since we met. She’s only four months older than me, has no kids, and loves fitness as much as I do.

She’s the reason I met Assad. The guy I can’t stop drooling over.

About five months ago, I met him at a beautiful outdoor wine bar for the first time with the other ladies. He was there with two colleagues and happened to notice Justice.

“Babe, what are you doing here?” He said as he approached our table and kissed Justice on the forehead.

“Oh, my god! I’m here with friends,” she said, excited to see him.

He went around the table, giving hugs and saying hello.

“Hi, you must be Christian. I’m Margot, it’s so nice to meet you,” I said shaking his hand.

He gave me a blank stare and held onto my hand as if he was reading my mind through it. I could feel Justice’s eyes on my skin. He didn’t break eye contact for what felt like 20 minutes.

“Oh, no, this is Asaad. You’ll have to forgive Margot. She’s new to the group,” Zazie said.

I glance over at Justice, who looks like she’s about to shit herself.

“I’m so sorry, Asaad. I don’t know why I said that,” I said nervously. But at that moment, I knew I was dealing with an emotionally intelligent and highly intuitive man.

He gave me a crooked smile, briefly said goodbye, and walked away.

“What a hunk. If I were you, Margot, I’d tap that,” Nadine said as she took a swig of her wine.

I laughed nervously because I could tell something was off.

“He’s off-limits,” Zazie said, also taking a swig of her wine.

Carmella, Nadine, and I look perplexed.

“Look. Christian and I were going through a rough patch three months ago, and I met Asaad. It was spontaneous—the way we met, but he’s been making me feel again,” Justice said, filled with guilt.

Everyone was shocked except Zazie.

“Are you leaving Christian?” Carmella asked.

“No. Things are so great with Christian now. Asaad has somehow strengthened my relationship with Christian. But I like Asaad. Like a lot,” Justice said.

“So, what? Are you going to have a husband and a boyfriend?” Nadine asked.

“They don’t know about each other. I tried to end things with Asaad, but I like him too much,” Justice said with tears in her eyes.

“Oh, babe. You must be going through it,” Carmella said.

Justice proceeded to tell us everything. Usually, she’s stoic, more introverted, and glued to her work—just like Asaad.

I’d only heard her speak highly of Christian, but that day, she gave us all the good, bad, and ugly.

She and Christian had been fighting because she wanted to put off the wedding planning while she focused on growing her brand, which Christian wasn’t supportive of, and he wanted to move to Silicon Valley. She said they were more disconnected than ever and were dancing with the idea of breaking up.

That’s when she met Asaad. He was tall, dark, handsome, ambitious, and confident. She felt she could be someone completely different with Asaad. Having him as an outlet made her tap into her creative side, and feel calm and at ease when she was with Christian.

When she went to end things with Asaad last month, she realized she liked him.

When we ran into him at the wine bar, it’d been almost three months since they started seeing each other.

That night was the most connected I’d ever felt to Justice. She even laid her head on my shoulder and shed a few tears on the way home.

Up until this point, our conversations have always been shallow. We’d never hung out one-on-one, had deep conversations, or even texted outside of the group chat.

But her realness that night made me feel like none of that mattered. For the first time, I understood Justice as a person. She wasn’t fulfilled and something else fell in her lap. I felt sad that she was carrying those feelings alone, but happy she released some of them when she opened up.

I finally felt like Justice and I were friends.

At 3:34 a.m. that night, we got a text in the group chat calling for an emergency brunch at 11:00 a.m.

Six and a half hours later, we were all sitting on the water at Lenny’s Cafe with a sobbing Justice.

Asaad had gone to her house around midnight that night. He’d never been before, but he had her address because he ordered her Uber Eats a few times. She said the first words out of his mouth when she opened the door was “Who’s Christian?”

Lucky for her, Christian was away in The Bay for a business convention, and Asaad’s surprise visit wasn’t as catastrophic as it could’ve been.

Nonetheless, she finally came clean and he ended things.

She spent brunch talking about core memories with him and showing us photos of their dates in her hidden photo album. She seemed happy talking about him and looked happy in the photos, and maybe her emotions were running high, but she wondered if she’d accidentally fallen in love.

She knew things had to end with one of them, but she wasn’t ready or knew with who. Which says a lot because she and Christian had been together for seven years.

After that day, Justice never spoke about Asaad again. Although, I could tell she was still mourning the breakup for the next few weeks.

After her crisis subsided, our friendship returned to its normal state. Mutual.

We still brunch every first Sunday of the month, text in the group chat, and discuss the fashion industry in group settings, but that’s the extent.

---

About two months ago, Asaad bumped into me at the beach on a cloudy day. He was walking his dog, and I was relaxing to the sound of the waves after a long week of work.

I was in such a trance because of the rhythm of the waves that I didn’t even notice who was walking by.

Moments later, the body walked back. But I was still enthralled by the sea.

“Hey, I’m sorry. Have we met before?” He said.

“What?” I said, snapping back into reality.

“I just noticed you on our walk, and you look so familiar,” he said.

I pulled my glasses onto my forehead to see him better. He had more facial scruff, and his hair was cornrowed, which is not how he looked when I first met him. I knew who he was immediately, but the only name that came to mind was Christian.

“Hi! Yes, we met a few months back at a wine bar. Margot,” I said, offering a handshake.

“Oh, yeah… Asaad,” he chuckled nervously, shaking my hand.

“How are you? Great to see you again,” I said.

“Same to you. I’m well. I think I’ve seen you here a few times before.”

I’m taken aback by the fact he’s seen me. I come out here pretty regularly. Mostly because I like it, but especially when I’m stressed.

“Uh, you probably have. I come here a lot to decompress. I’ve been here a little extra these past few weeks,” I said.

“Yeah, this is my happy place too. I just moved in right over there for that reason,” he said, pointing to a beautiful beach house almost directly behind me. My jaw dropped a little when I saw the house, but I quickly picked it up.

“Wow, how does it feel to not know stress?” I joked.

“We’re slowly de-coupling,” he joked back.

There was a moment of stillness where we stared at each other, analyzing each other. This was the first time I’d gotten a good look at him. He’s tall and toned, has a great smile, a cute German Shorthaired Pointer, and is easy to converse with.

“If you ever get lonely or cold, we could watch from inside with a warm tea,” he said.

Ohhhh, he’s smooth.

And no man has ever invited me over for tea. I can see what captivated Justice.

“I’ll have to take you up on that offer next time you’re not on a walk,” I said.

I felt guilty, but I couldn’t help but flirt back. Justice had nothing but good things to say about Asaad, and he’s kind, cute, and someone I’d want to spend time with.

“We were actually just wrapping up,” he said.

For six hours, we talked about work, our childhood, and our futures, ordered [in] sushi, played with his dog, Bailey, briefly grazed over the Justice situation, and watched Netflix. It was a wholesome link-up, and he was the perfect gentleman.

A week later, we went on our first date. It was magical. He took me to this breathtaking restaurant in Carmel, California. He reserved a private section of the restaurant that faced the ocean, half indoors, half outdoors. The staff treated us like the only guests, and the date felt perfect.

The conversation was easy.

We have similar goals and values.

If I were to build a dream guy, he would look almost identical to Asaad.

From the moment we spoke on the beach, I knew I could like him, but by the end of the first date—I definitely did.

Now it’s two months later, and I feel like he is endgame.

Last night, he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes.

I called the ladies and told them everything.

I reserved a table at Lenny’s Cafe for Sunday brunch less than two hours from now.

I tangoed with telling the ladies when I realized things were getting serious, but something about our private relationship made it feel safe. And I can’t lie—telling my closest friends in Monterey I’ve been dating a man our friend was having an affair with five months ago gave me pause.

Sometimes, I think about Justice when I’m with him. She hasn’t come up in conversation since the day we met on the beach. A month after her and Asaad’s breakup, she got engaged to Christian.

Sometimes I wonder if he knows.

Something in me believes they’re adults who are mature enough to move on. Another part of me feels in the wrong.

She’s only ever shown [me] genuine emotion when she spoke about him, but she seemed fine when I told her last night. The other girls were excited for me. Asaad seems perfectly fine meeting them all again. But for some reason, I still feel anxious.

I press my back into Asaad’s chest as we cuddle.

My phone vibrates.

Hey, girl. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to make it to brunch today, but I’d love to chat this week. Let me know when you’re free.

Justice texts.

One-on-one.

The first text message in our thread.

I squeeze his arms a little tighter, hoping it’ll alleviate the conflict I [now] must face in my world.

New short stories every Sunday Morning.