Mercury Retrograde

Mercury is in retrograde again. The past is blending in with the present... again.

It’s the time of year when Mercury appears to be going backward in the sky.

Some say this is when we’re sent tests to see if we’ve grown in the past half a year or so. Some like to use this time to experiment with past activities that didn’t work out. Others feel weird, but they blame it on the weather changing, pollution, or something else that seems related. And then there are those so severely on autopilot that they don’t even know what they feel.

There are eight billion worlds here on Earth.

Eight billion beings made from the same chemicals as the infinitely expanding universe.

And eight billion ways the universe is experiencing itself at once.

As the illusion that the past is becoming the present grows clearer, these eight billion worlds appear to cause more of a collision than usual.

And for whatever reason, it feels like the weight of those colliding with mine is more catastrophic this time around.

I have a habit, possibly a problem, of letting relationships die out instead of having the conversation and continuing to use the excuse that the other person would feel blindsided is child’s play.

85% of communication is nonverbal and that percentage may even jump to 95% during a retrograde.

Entering Mercury retrograde season I was excited, for once. Excited about my growth, my ability to know myself, and go after the things I want.

Spoiler alert, it was not as smooth sailing as I’d hoped.

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At the top of the season, was the first test.

Well, more like a pop quiz.

“I’ve been thinking about you and I miss you.”

Said the text in the messages app on my phone.

This is the most basic message a person can get during the retrograde, yet I was still shocked when I received it.

Relationships, romantic and platonic alike, have and will always be held to a high standard. It takes time to enjoy silence with someone, learn if they’re trustworthy, and establish a true connection. So, when this transpires, it is taken to heart.

I received three iterations of this text from three different people I once knew. All people I kept close at one point, and each of those relationships died out.

The thing about letting a relationship die out is when someone does decide to come back the issues that were left when they left may very well still linger. The energy is weird because you don’t know this person anymore. And there’s still a decision to be made on whether to address the issue, act like it doesn’t exist, or let the conversation fizzle out again.

I’ve received three opportunities at this lesson, and I realized there’s no one size fits all fixer.

The lesson was never to put my foot down and cut off someone I once held so close. In fact, the lesson is almost never about someone else. The lesson is to learn more about myself through others, to forgive and release, and make confident decisions.

I will never regret creating space to see things from a new lense.

It’s taught me that space can make the heart grow fonder or make incompatibilities more visible.

And then I got some faboulous lessons in dating.

Spoiler alert, there were no fairy tale endings.

Two dates. Two different guys. Neither of them were my type, but they both taught me things.

Guy #1 was pretty similar to me. We have similar interests, have travelled to the same places, and have the same level of ambition.

He’s a more traditional type of guy, which I thought I wanted, in some ways I still think I do, but after some time passed I see how a pairing with him wouldn’t be long-lasting.

Just two days later, guy #2 and I went on our first date.

He was the exact opposite of me. He wasn’t into fitness, he didn’t appreciate different types of cuisine, and he wasn’t very driven.

But the thing that got me was when he kept sending the waiter away because he realized the restaurant he chose had nothing on the menu he wanted to eat.

I learned that too many similarities aren’t conducive to a good pairing—and the same goes for being opposites.

I learned to try new things, new types of people, and that it’s perfectly fine if I’m only meant to meet someone once.

I learned that things are always changing. Even changing back to something I’ve experienced before.

I learned that even in this astrologically charged environment I still have control. And I’ll continue to weather the storm.

Because… what else am I supposed to do?