it seems like nobody wants to boss up these days...

"She remembered who she was and the game changed." - Lalah Delia

Apr 13, 2025

A few years ago, I accidentally came up with a method that’s allowed me to elevate to new heights in life.

Well, it’s a few years later, and I need a re-up on this method.

Lately, I’ve been feeling stagnation, my creativity is being redefined, I may be on my fourth rebrand of the year, and I have just about had it in my dating life. Mostly because I’m attracting too many male b*tches, and I’m starting to take it personally.

When I initially moved to New York, I was addicted to the high the city gave me.

Wrapped up in social media, dating, food, and experiences, it didn’t take more than a few weeks to lose the plot and myself.

Something had to be done.

As a Pisces, I did what we do best—escaped into isolation.

When I sought solitude, I set intentions to release the need for external validation, work on emotional regulation, strategize and actualize my career, and get acquainted with my new home.

I developed a regular meditation practice, started training for a marathon, evolved as an entrepreneur, gained more skills in my hobbies, made outstanding friends, and became a version of myself I’d never met before.

At the time, I’d never been closer to perfection, to me, at least.

Phase 1: Become the Observer

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." — Marcel Proust

For a long time, I was the person who got FOMO (fear of missing out), and I wanted to be at every function my friends were at.

Looking back, this had to do with the fact that I was freshly in college; it was the first time in thirteen years I wasn’t an athlete, and I wasn’t secure or confident.

But just like anything that flows easily and unknowingly, this path continued.

I thought I would be happy living a pre-determined life, in a career that was ‘fine’, around people that were present, and believing that growing up was the same as getting older.

News flash: This is not true.

Growing mentally is understanding that getting older happens every day, and growing up takes intentional, forward action.

Going from living a life where every day is the same to choosing to do something different is weird. I had no idea what a new life looked like or meant, but the inner knowing that something more was meant for me is where the true FOMO came into play.

Slowly, I no longer felt aligned with my friends, turned away from partying, started hating my corporate job, and embarked on a journey of emotional turmoil.

I’ve never been more lonely than when I’d gotten to a point that I had everything I was told I should have to be living a comfortable life.

Frankly, I’ve never truly been more uncomfortable than I was then.

So, I did what the military brat in me does best—move away.

Spoiler: That does not induce comfort, but it does induce hope.

Phase 2: Embody Solitude & Get Uncomfortable

"Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of genius." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

I’ve moved cities nine times in my twenty-seven years, but the last time felt the most personal.

I wasn’t moving for a job or to a place where I had even a single mutual friend.

I wasn’t going to live in a place where I’d always envisioned myself living.

I wasn’t just leaving; I was reframing my environment, my mind, and my goals.

I was putting myself in a position to be uncomfortable.

I wasn’t allowing myself to drive home when I felt overwhelmed by the presence of my friends or family just to see them a day or two later.

I moved thousands of miles away from everyone I knew to become someone I’ve never been.

The goal was to turn inward and build self-trust—something I hadn’t had before age 25.

At that point, the people closest to me were not going to push me forward; my parents didn’t deal with the same issues when they were my age, and I didn’t know what I wanted my life to look like a year from then.

It was a bone-chilling quarter-life crisis, to say the least.

Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable has been the golden ticket ever since.

I learned to go to dinner, attend networking events, and do activities alone.

I learned to talk to random people on the street because I felt like it, regardless of whether they seemed approachable.

I learned to be my favorite version of myself.

And despite getting embarrassed at times, coming into contact with weird people, and shoving myself so far into the solitude bubble that it took weeks to get out, I wouldn’t change a thing.

The more I open myself to new experiences, the more I realize I know nothing. But to be alive is to grow—in knowledge, love, opportunites, anything. And while I have not [fully] cracked any codes, I know that becoming the observer, spending time alone, and putting myself in new situations will reward me every time.

None of that would’ve happened without motion.

Something striking happens when I pour extra time and energy into myself. I attract better opportunities, advocate for myself, have genuine internal trust, become more confident, and attain pure aura.

My role model is myself in five years.

I’ll never stop striving to be her.

What’s the point of living if not to be the baddest bitch?