At this point, decenter everything.
That's when the blessings flow best anyway.
I can confidently say that at the ripe age of 27, I have only a slight idea of what I’m doing, but I’m far better off than I used to be.
I don’t like to claim this as innate, but pre-best self, I was anxiously attached to everything, an overthinker, indecisive, an expert people pleaser, and had chronic FOMO.
To be fair, the American school system doesn’t set growing children up to be decision makers or leaders.
But one can only milk that excuse for so long.
My quarter-life crisis hit me as hard as the bus that hit Regina George.
For my well-being, I was forced to take control of my life, get clear on what I wanted it to look like, and stop looking at my dreams like they were out of reach.
Decenter?
By definition, decenter means to lose or shift from a center or point of focus.
In life, everyone has something capturing their attention and dictating their decision-making processes. This is not always harmful. When a person operates with intention, this is called being driven or determined. Contrarily, when they’re unconsciously attached to an outcome and forming harmful habits, they’re likely operating from a place of fear, desperation, or survival.
Recently, there’s been a lot of discourse around decentering men and corporate jobs.
This is important because women are finally getting similar, if not better, opportunities than men. Yet, we live in a world where men, corporations, and capitalism are the focal point, making us unconsciously act out of character. When in actuality, there needs to be a change in the rules of civilization.
However, nothing enforces evolution quicker than rebellion against the hive mind.
Identify the unconscious driving force.
We’ve all met that one person obsessed with being in a relationship, and no matter how recently the previous one ended, they find themselves in another soon after.
Or the person obsessed with being a millionaire/billionaire to a fault. Every few months, they send DM’s to their high school or college acquaintances asking if they’ve heard of Forex or whatever the latest pyramid scheme is.
These types of people are driven by fear and survival. Whether it’s the fear of being alone or the fear of having nothing, they are stressing themselves out by endlessly chasing.
This is why the people who are constantly trying to be chosen romantically are always outside, checking to see who’s staring at them or who is at the function, and damn-near dress the same.
This is why the people who are always hopping on the bandwagon of the latest and greatest Ponzi scheme hardly ever level up (because they’re the main ones getting scammed).
Their actions are so unconscious and negatively charged that they can’t see they’ve been doing the same thing for [x] years in a row, and getting the same results.
The best course of action for people who are running in circles like this is to literally stop.
Once a person begins to observe their experiences exactly as they are, their own doing, they’ve won half the battle.
Now, rebel.
Rebellion is easy when it’s against an authoritative figure or an authoritative wannabe, but there’s much more difficulty when it comes to rebelling against oneself.
Several times, especially in the past, I’ve told myself I wouldn’t do something, only to do that thing the same day.
Part of me doesn’t always take myself as seriously as I should, while the other part could be better at impulse control.
Either way, these two negatives don’t make a positive, and the result is not positive.
Staying in a toxic cycle is uncomfortable, but the mind isn’t used to the type of discomfort that is breaking out of it.
The next step is to make the conscious choice to rebel. When I’m in this phase of my life, I force myself to:
Weigh the pros and cons of doing life differently
Figure out what my life looks like when I’m living it to the max
Implement small, efficient changes to work towards that version of me
Figure out where these ingrained and unconscious survival tactics come from, then unlearn them.
For a serial relationship person, this will look like refraining from dating for a certain period.
For a Ponzi schemer, this will look like not hopping on the next “get rich quick” scheme, creating a solid business plan, and staying down for the come-up. And most importantly, stop getting scammed.
Keep practicing…
Sometimes, I find myself reverting to old, unconscious habits. I can only hope there will be a time when I don’t, but all I can do for now is notice the trend and get myself back on track.
My most toxic habit is overworking myself.
The deep-seated feeling stems from the fact that I don’t always feel stable. When I don’t feel stable, I don’t feel like I deserve rest, so I push myself. Of course, this isn’t true. Overworking myself until I feel stable has not been something I’ve felt yet.
And everyone deserves rest.
Frankly, when I do achieve my goals, because I obviously will, they won’t fix the feeling of constantly searching for stability; it’ll only be amplified because I’ve put these achievements on a pedestal, received them, and will set the bar higher for the next round of desires.
This is a hamster wheel I will not allow myself to be on.
People in corporate America feel these pressures from outside forces, I’ll be damned if I put that pressure on my own self.
Now, I’ve created a method that allows me to do tasks that use similar sections of my brain, the beginning half of the week, and tasks that use a different section of my brain, the latter half of the week. Up until like six days ago, I began working an hour after waking up until I’d fall asleep with my computer [open] on my lap.
But today… Baby girl gets her rest, feels less stressed, and extra blessed.😛
In this life, everyone gets exactly what they’re focused on, which is why the saying “be careful what you wish for” exists.
At any point, something can be triggered in a person where their desired outcome changes, and they begin to operate from an unconscious place.
That’s why it’s important to remain observant, move with intention, know your worth, and enjoy life.
That’s when it’s the best anyway.
"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." — E.M. Forster
